Welcome to CAB’s Place!

It is the last week of school for the 2008-2009 school year, for me, for my students, for my own children.  As I write this I am tired, procrastinating and generally dragging my feet to face this week.  Why?  You might wonder.  Well, so do I. 

The problem is, at least I think the problem is, that I have too much going on.  I’m spread too thin and I’m overwhelmed, to a degree.  I have several unfinished projects around the house, I have c ontinuous jobs like laundry, meals and childcare to deal with and then, of course, there is work.  Oh yeah, work.  The thing I do that actually provides food and shelter for my children. 

When I become overwhelmed, I become almost paralyzed sometimes.  This is the time when procrastination can really have its way with me.  I don’t know where to start or how so I wait and think about it some more.  This is not always a good plan and usually ends up with me feeling more panic and stress than I started out with. 

However, all that being said it is the last week of school and I have tons I should be doing and tons I did not do.  Work around the yard was halted by thunderstorms, work on computers was halted by viruses, overheating and also thunderstorms.  Work in the house was halted by dealing with children and watching the movie Bride Wars.  Yes, you heard me, Bride Wars. 

In fact, I didn’t just watch the movie, I actually order it on my television through video on demand.  The kids and I were cruizing through the channels tonight and decided that we wanted to check out this video on demand thing.  Now, normally, being the tightwad that I’ve become over the last two years that would not have even been an option.  However, tonight was just ripe for all sorts of procrastination, so I was easily swayed. 

Two hours, lots of laughs and a few stupid tears later, the movie ended.  One child fell completely asleep, the other two hung in there, though I can only imagine what my son must have been thinking through all this. 

I haven’t watched a movie in the dark in a thunderstorm with my children curled up on top of me without falling asleep in forever. 

That was the best procrastinating I’ve done in a while!

My last post spoke of the yuck work my four children and I went through to clean out our backyard pool.  Every one of us worked hard.  Number 1 probably scrubbed the most, while Number 2 prepared food for us while the rest of us worked.  Numbers 3 & 4 did what they are best at, bickering and complaining about who worked the hardest, but they ended up doing their fair share of the dirty work too. 

Tonight, we officially opened the pool.  I have pictures of  #3 and #4 since they were the first to get in and enjoy the frigid waters this season while their sisters were away at a school function.

Little Bear (#4) and Little Man (#3) in our first official Pool Opening Party!

Little Bear the Diva stands at the top of the ladder.

OH MY! It is really cold!Should he be doing that?!

He's crazy!

Little Bear gets brave

Hmmm. Let's try this!

Or maybe this!

Look at me! What's that scary thing below?

Little Man tries the boogie board while Little Bear looks on. "Here's how!" he says.

Um, maybe not so much!

Determination or Freezing Water?

Strange creatures in my backyard!

Yes! We're glad we went to all the trouble now!

Yes, we are!!!!

The best part of our Pool Opening Ceremony is yet to come!

Warming up in the Hot Tub!

This is our pool just after we began filling it yesterday at 3:00 p.m. Is it any wonder I don't feel the need to spend lots of money to travel to other places to play in their pools?

While the rest of the nation was remembering those who died for our country, my little brood and I were busy participating in an annual celebration of our own.  We cleaned out our pool in preparation for the many wonderful hours of fun we have each summer in it.

 Now, this pool is not an in-ground pool, even if I had the money for such a luxury, there is no way the equipment could get to our back yard to dig out the hole.  So, I have an above ground pool.  This is not your little $400 Wal-Mart version of the above ground pool.  This pool holds 9,000 (about) gallons of water.  It is 22 feet in diameter and, while I don’t know the exact depth, it is deeper than any above ground pool I’ve seen.  It also has a serious pump and filter system.  We’ve enjoyed this pool for 5 years now, and this summer is our 6^th. 

The pump gets the last of the murky water.

In the early years, of owning the pool, we simply covered the thing in the winter and then allowed the pump and filter and a lot of chemicals to clean it out in the spring.  Since owning the contraption, I’ve not changed the sand inside, and I’m probably due to deal with that this summer.  The filter just doesn’t clean the pool like it used to.  The last three summers, instead of throwing costly chemicals in the pool, I’ve just drained it and started over.  Last fall, I got the brilliant idea to drain the pool before winter so I wasn’t looking out my back deck at a swamp all winter.  This probably would have worked nicely had I drained the pool completely.  I didn’t.  I left about a third of the water in the bottom, hoping to get back to it, but the rainy season hit before I was able to, and since electric pumps with electrical cords and rain don’t exactly mix, I waited till spring.

Number 1 cleans the filter out of the pump. No! It was not plugged in while she did this!

This was the worst cleanout we’ve ever experienced!  We believe this job should have been nominated for the show Dirty Jobs.  There were bugs of all kinds, algae galore and the wet, rotten leaves made that portion of our backyard smell like the ocean and not in a good way either. None of us were looking forward to this job this year.

 The first task was to drain the rest of the water out of the pool.  This was tricky because the debris in the water kept getting caught in the pump.  Periodically, I had to unplug the pump and clean out the filter.  This made for some tedious and time consuming draining.  While the pump was draining the remaining water, Number 2 and I tag teamed the leaf scooping.  We scooped leaves out using the pool net.  This was backbreaking work because wet leaves are heavy.  This  process took us one entire day.  The next day, we let evaporation get the rest of the water and my son scooped out the remaining leaves.  Finally, when the pump was finished pumping all it could pump we set about scrubbing the pool. 

The dark line shows how deep the water was when we started. The part of the pool above the line was drained the fall before and stayed clean all winter.

This took us 5 hours of intensive scrubbing and hosing and scrubbing some more.  Then, to get up the last little bit of dirty water, we used sponges and soaked up the rest.  It was backbreaking and exhausting work and none of us enjoyed it.  I kept trying to remind my children of what wonderful bonding time this was but they weren’t feeling it.  I wasn’t feeling it either. I was especially not feeling the love when the two younger ones kept harping at each other and me because they each thought they were working harder than the other.  When we finally all got out of the pool and put the hose in to begin the fill, I was exhausted.  So were they. 

This is the caked on scum and dead creature bodies we had to scrub off. I wonder if there is any nutritional value in these organisms?

 The pool started filling yesterday at 3:00 p.m., I turned the water off for a period of four hours today, because I was gone from the house.  I turned it on when I returned.  The water is just now nearing the level needed to turn the pump and filter system on.   Nearly, 24 hours later and we are ready to turn the water off and turn the pump on.  We are ready to begin our summer with our pool open nearly a month earlier than usual.  It sure wasn’t fun while we were cleaning, but it is really fun now! 

 I still think it could have been on Dirty Jobs!  Oh, well, we did it together, hated every minute of it, but now we’ll be laughing about this particular cleanout for years to come.  We’re just all too tired to even go out and enjoy it tonight!   Besides that, my body aches!  So this is what I’m going to do instead:

A Nice Treat After Such A Dirty Job!

Have you ever stopped to consider how many really funny things happen that we never capture in pictures?  Some of these antics we remember, many of them we don’t.  I often think I should carry my camera with me every where I go and have it readily available.  Life with kids is filled with opportunities to capture so many of these ridiculous but heartwarming moments. I am guilty of missing many of these great shots.  One such day, I happened to have my act together (read camera available and battery fully charged).  I was able to capture some photos of Little Bear with the craziest hair I’ve ever seen on her. I even got a side view.

The fact that my camera was handy and the battery charged was amazing enough for me.  I seem to always forget where I put the camera, or fail to notice when I need to charge the battery, until it is too late.  This is why I don’t have pictures of Number 1 and her boyfriend on prom night.  Two photos into the event and the camera died.  Now I have to try to retrieve copies from others who were there taking the pictures.  That’s going to be fun!

It is remarkable that I got these pictures at all in spite of my fortunate coincidence with the camera.  These pictures were taken in the morning, on a school day.  School day morning preparation for single moms who are teachers is not usually the most enjoyable or relaxed time of the day. It is even less fun when the teacher is not a morning person. 

These pictures were taken on a school day, we were already running late and Little Bear is obviously still not dressed.  In fact, she is just getting up.  On this particular day, instead of spinning my head around and spewing gross green stuff everywhere, I grabbed the camera and took some shots. 

If nothing else, I figure these will make great blackmail shots someday in the future.

When I left home and ventured out on my own, I didn’t know how to run a washer or a dryer, I couldn’t make a cake from a box mix, and I had no idea how to balance a checkbook.  Is it any wonder that cooking a decent meal is a challenge for me? 

When my own kids came along, I decided things would be very different for them.  I wanted them to be able to do their own laundry without having to encounter the embarrassing situation of asking their college roommate for help.  I didn’t want them to feel like a fool because they weren’t sure what the cooking terms on a boxed cake mix meant, and I certainly wanted them to understand how checking accounts work.

So far, I think I’ve done okay.  My oldest daughter has her own checking account and has for a year, she also cooks entire meals for the family on occasion and she does her own laundry.  She will be leaving for college in the fall.  I think she’s going to be okay.

Number 2 is on the way to becoming more self-sufficient as well. She can cook breakfasts.  I still need to work with her on the other areas, but there is still time.  She won’t graduate from high school for another 3 years. I have some time and a whole big long summer coming up.

Number 3 is also on his way to learning the critical skills he will need to manage his own household someday.  He already knows how to mow the lawn.  He knows to take the garbage out and he also knows what happens (in addition to death) if you don’t take it out regularly.  He can cook up some really delectable egg breakfasts.  I have been working with him on cooking some basic dinners too.

Here’s how I taught my son to cook a spaghetti dinner:

I sit down at the computer and log on.  I get involved chatting with someone on online. 

I ask him to go get the ground beef and brown it.  He does.

While waiting for chat friend to reply I drain the fat off the hamburger.

I tell the son to get the canned spaghetti sauce out and pour it over the meat and mix it in while I continue chatting.

He does this.  Of course, he’s already put on the water for the noodles, which is now boiling. 

I stop to show him how to put in the noodles.   He puts in the rest of the noodles.

I continue chatting.

He stirs the meat and lowers the heat. 

When the noodles are ready, I drain the noodles for him.  I call in Number 4 and have her set the table.   I con Number 1 into making a salad.

I wrap up my chat session. 

We put dinner on the table and eat.

I’m such an overworked single mom. 

It is coming up on two years since I left my ex.  In fact, at this time two years ago, I’d sold my boat, met with my attorney and was just biding time till papers could be served.  It was a tense and uncertain time in my life. 

One of the reasons I decided to leave, was out of safety and consideration for my children.  This required that I give some consideration to taking care of myself so I could better take care of them.  In that marriage, my health was suffering so badly that a full battery of blood tests revealed that my pituitary gland had shut down, I had high levels of inflammation and cholesterol and my white blood cell count was nearly non-existent. I was on the verge of diabetes and a heart attack if something didn’t change and fast.  My ex, was completely unsympathetic.  In fact, one time, after leaving the doctor’s office where I was diagnosed with pneumonia and told that I was sick enough to be hospitalized, his family showed up unannounced from out of town.  This meant four additional adults and seven additional kids in my 1400 square foot home that was already packed to bursting with the two of us and our combined total of 11 children.  Did my ex suggest taking the crew over to his mother’s house (which was larger than ours) so that I could rest and try to heal?  No.  Even upon my pleading he did not.  It was at this point that I think I became starkly and painfully aware of how much this man really just did not care about me and my welfare.

The journey out of that difficult time required complete and total selfishness in a way.  It was not selfishness that said “It is all about me” but selfishness that demanded I take care of me so I could take care of those I was responsible for.  This meant that I had to learn to say no to a lot of people and it meant that I had to learn to be okay with them not liking the fact that I said no.  It was not easy.  It is still sometimes not easy.

Two years later, taking care of me is just as important as ever.  It is still sometimes very difficult for me.  I can tend to over do or over commit or over schedule because I want those in my life to have a great experience.  I’m beginning to learn to temper that tendency a bit. 

One of the things I’ve learned is how important mornings are to me.  Especially, Saturday and Sunday mornings during the school year. Especially, Saturday and Sunday mornings during the school year when I have no kids.

These are the mornings that I keep sacred for me.  It’s not that I never do anything with anybody ever at these times, but I am finding that these times are so important to my personal rejuvenation.

Besides, there’s also a ton of laundry and lots of weeding to do.

I merely have one question.

Why, when each of my kids has their own room, their own closet and their own space, do they feel the need to use my room as their personal storage room?

Okay, well, only two of my kids have their own room.  The other two share a room. They still have their own space, dressers, closet, etc.  The older child in this room sharing venture has completely overtaken the room with her cr** that the younger sibling she shares the room with cannot even put her clothes away in her dresser.

It looks like this picture.

It is unsafe.

It is a hazard.

It stinks.

And it is daily depreciating the value of my home.

I have given this older child plenty of time to fix it on her own in her own way.  The problem is that her own way has been to do nothing at all. 

She’s left me no choice. 

I’m bringing in a bulldozer and taking all of it to the landfill.  When I get done,   Messy Older Child will be sharing a room with College Bound Older Child and Youngest Child will have her own room.  This means I will have my own room! 

I can hardly wait!

I’ve heard people say that cooking is merely science, chemical reactions actually.  Well, if that is the case then tonight’s dinner is going to be one doozy of a science experiment.

As usual, I rushed home after working an hour late because I stayed at work prepping for a meeting that I am leading tomorrow.  Nice.  On the way home, remember I’m already late, I swing by Target to pick up some tops and a pair of  shorts for my youngest daughter who has outgrown everything I purchased for her only a few short months ago.  How she does this on my cooking is beyond me, but she is sprouting up and has nothing to wear, especially now that the temps are pushing the mid 80’s.  We grabbed a few quick things and headed through the checkout stand. 

I arrive home after five and begin immediately on dinner because at 6, I have to go help run Number 1 around so she can create a display board of herself for graduation since she is a senior and will be graduating in just a few short weeks.  (I so cannot believe this!  Time did not pass that quickly and I am not that old yet!)  Of course, procrastinator that she is, the dear girl did not work on this project over the weekend but instead left it for tonight.  This means I must squeeze in dinner for the rest of the crew in less than an hour.  It has all the makings of a Hamburger Helper night.

In my rush, I grabbed the two boxes of Hamburger Helper sitting on the cupboard shelf, grab the hamburger that must be cooked up NOW! and begin browning away.  I don’t usually cook Hamburger Helper but I was desperate tonight.  When I do cook H.H., I always cook two boxes instead of just one, because with three teenagers in the house, one box just doesn’t go around.  I brown the meat, read the directions on the box, and double the amounts.  two cups of milk, four cups of hot water the noodles, the sauce mix.  I reach for box number two, I open it up and dump in the noodles.

Uh-oh.  The noodles don’t look the same as the noodles from the first box.  The sauces aren’t the same either.  The pictures on the boxes look exactly the same.  The names on the boxes are entirely different.  One is Lasagna and the other is Beef Ribbons. 

I shrug, dump in the second sauce pack and think, “Well, we’ll see how this goes.”

Maybe if I don’t say anything no one will notice.

I do feel sorry (in a way) for single moms with really young children who do not live near family.  These women have no one around to help their kids remember to remember them on Mother’s Day.  If these women have ex’s who have remarried then it is likely the stepmom will receive better treatment on Mother’s Day than the biological mom will.  At least, the ex, is there to help the kids remember…even if they don’t celebrate on exactly Mother’s Day. Even in homes where the children are older, single moms have some chance of being remembered.  Not so, the single mother of young children.

I began thinking about this earlier this week, when my own young child made a gift in class for me and also for her new stepmom. This is as I would expect things to be.  As a teacher, I always give students the opportunity to make two gifts if they so choose.  I’m glad my daughter has a teacher who understands the weirdness (not necessarily bad) that a new family member by marriage can bring to a child’s emotional plate.   When I rolled this over in my mind, it struck me as humorous, actually, that in my situation, the two stepmoms involved will be better remembered and more spoiled than I will be, because they are married to men, who, regardless of their other faults don’t forget Mother’s Day!

Why else will they be better remembered?  Well, because I, by choice, will not make a big deal of it.  Mother’s Day is not just a one day a year thing for me.  I’m not in it for the goodies I haul in on one particular day of the year.  (Although a foot massage and a freakin’ backrub by a sweet significant other would certainly not go unappreciated!) In fact, I don’t know any mom or stepmom who is in it for the obligatory goodies.  My ex’s will probably, make some kind of deal out of it for their wives as they probably should.  I, on the other hand, am not going to insist that my kids go out and buy me presents with money I give them.  Nor am I going to insist on a card.  I’ve always tried to impress upon my children that certain events bear celebrating and remembering, but it is also just as important to show love and concern and gratitude at the “in between” times; at the times when you were just feelin’ it, just because. 

Because I have this attitude (and because I encourage creative expression), my house is decorated with cards from my children that have been given to me “just because”.  My refrigerator boasts a couple of white boards that are supposed to be used for grocery lists and messages but are instead filled with love notes to me.  “Mommy, I love you!”  or “Mom, You Rock!”  are the norm. (Okay, admittedly there is the occasional slam to the brother unit…but hey!)  The love notes are better, by far, than a gift purchased or made because some other adult encouraged my child to do it.  I’m not knocking those gestures at all, please don’t think that I am.  I’m just all about free, spontaneous, authentic expressions of sentiment, whenever they arise than the ones that are “dutifully” delivered as wonderful as the “dutiful” ones are.  (You’ll just have to wait till Valentine’s Day to hear my theory on those kinds of gifts! LOL!)

However….yes…there is a “but”…this year, I’ve decided to do things a little differently. This year, I’ve decided to plan Mother’s Day Weekend a little more selfishly.  This year, instead of just hanging around the house working on the stuff that usually needs to be done  at this time of year and just enjoying a weekend home with all the kids (a rare enough occurrence) I’ve decided to plan it out in a way that I think will be fun for all of us.

The first part of this fun includes a nice laid back evening at home on Friday night with me barbecuing steak (or trying to) and us hanging out.  I might even fire up the backyard fire pit.  The hot tub will definitely get some use tonight.  After the younger kids are in bed, the older ones and I will enjoy the video Slumdog Millionaire.  I’m sure I will get weepy.  For crying out loud, I got weepy at #2’s high school presentation of Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. (Beauty and the Beast was my mother’s favorite fairy tale…I so wish she were alive right now…I’d love to just talk for hours about the analogies and parallels to real life relationship that story has.  Do we so not miss the opportunities to relate when they exist and regret it later?  Sigh. 

Saturday, however, will be The Big Day.  There is a huge two day pow wow going on just 30 minutes from our home town and we are going to make a day of it.  Well, I am and three of the kids will be with me.  Number #2 made plans with a friend months ago to attend a play and yadda yadda.  She so owes me a clean bedroom for letting her go! 

Sunday, will be spent putzing around here enjoying each other.  We might head out to church, we might not.  We’ll take as we feel it. I’m kind of tentatively back into attending church for many reasons, the legality that can transpire being something I guard ferociously against. 

I’m sure I’ll spend most of my weekend loving my kids as I referree sibling squabbles and  correcting disrespectful attitudes about having to do the daily chores. It doesn’t matter what the world calls the day, mothers never really get the day off from being mom.  You know what?  It’s just okay that way.  Mother’s (and stepmothers)  who take the “mom job” seriously make our world a far better place.  I’m so good with that.

I’ve lived a guilty life of freedom and pleasure for the last few days…nearly a week…since last Thursday evening.  My three older kids, who go to their dad’s every weekend, stayed a few days extra this weekend and are only tonight returning.  This means, that last weekend was a completely kid-free weekend for me and the first three evenings of this week I was responsible for only one child.  This was easy street compared to what I normally face on a day to day basis. 

It was a nice time for my youngest and I.  It was also nice for me to have the time alone on the weekend.  I was able to meet up with a friend of mine that I’ve known for nearly 8 years and only get to go out with occasionally because she’s just not kid free that often. I was also able to get my head on straight about some things I needed to get my head on straight about. 

Tonight, my kids will all sleep in their own beds under my roof.  I know they are safe.  They are home.  While it is busier, noisier, more demanding and far less peaceful in terms of the quiet solitude I enjoyed when they were gone, it is so nice to have them home.  The happy energy as we critique each other’s music, joke about Mom’s bad cooking and funky dancing, argue about perspectives on life, chores, and the like, is just another type of peaceful to me.

Welcome home, kids! I love you!